Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Three-Ring Outfield

Rockies 2, Dodgers 3

Ladies and gentlemen, for your entertainment pleasure, I present the 2011 Colorado Rockies!

In left field, we have Ty Wigginton, who will perform the stunning feat of failing to catch a fly ball! Lest you miss the magnitude of this accomplishment, consider that this ball will fall very similarly to an infield pop-up, so Wiggy's error cannot even be blamed on the fact that he is not really an outfielder! And more amazing still, the error will ultimately lead to 2 unearned runs scoring!

In center field we have Dexter Fowler, who will demonstrate how many different directions he can knock a baseball without actually getting control of it! This trick will allow an ordinary double to become a triple!

In right field, Ryan Spilborghs will attempt one of his wildly unsuccessful sliding catches! Even more impressive, he will do it while Mark Ellis goes out on a fly ball that he catches easily! Spilly will slide at the exact right moment so that Ellis will trip over him and fall down, preventing a throw to the plate and allowing a run to score!

This is all more than your money's worth, obviously, but don't miss our very entertaining sideshows! Watch in the 1st inning as the Rockies put two men in scoring position with 1 out on an error, a walk, and a wild pitch, and actually fail to score! You can't get that anywhere else in Major League Baseball folks! And that's not all! Wiggy strikes out 3 times! Troy Tulowitzki leaves 5 men on base and gets his only hit when leading off! Spilly manages to come up with four different ways to get himself out! Chris Iannetta makes two pop-outs seem like seven!

If you missed the live show, never fear! Full-color commemorative photos are available!

Ok, I can't go an entire post without saying something sincere about my Rockies. I haven't dived completely off the cliff of cynicism. Jhoulys Chacin had a damn good start, and you have to respect that considering the fact that he was matched up against Clayton Kershaw. Those unearned runs netted Chacin the loss, because he was pitching when they happened, despite the fact that he and Kershaw allowed the same number of earned runs. Chacin also allowed just 3 hits and 1 walk in 6 innings. It was his best start since the time he nearly no-hit the Indians in June. It's a real shame that the Rockies couldn't manage to win it for him.

The bullpen was also terrific. Rex Brothers, Matt Reynolds, and Rafael Betancourt combined for 2 scoreless innings. And a tip of the cap, as usual, goes to Todd Helton, who knocked in both the Rockies runs. If you had asked me at the beginning of this season who I wanted at the plate in the clutch, Helton's name would not have come to mind. Now, I want him hitting 1-9 so he can just drive himself in over and over.

And speaking of circuses, I didn't stay up late enough to watch the Pirates-Braves 19-inning insanity, but Julio Lugo was tagged on about seven different body parts scoring the "winning" run. I think that ump just wanted to go home. If it were my team I'd be incensed, but in this case I can't really blame him. I didn't catch the Diamondbacks-Padres game either, but it's worth watching the highlights to see Orlando Hudson pull a Larry Walker and throw the ball away because he thought there were 2 outs. See Rockies fans, it can always get worse!

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